Stanky News
Park Reports
Live coverage from inside the park. Incidents, malfunctions, and airborne guest documented as it happens.
DAY 01 — 10:00 AM
Waterpark Opens Its Gates Despite Incomplete Construction
Stanky News
CaseOh cuts the ribbon on the park this morning at exactly 10AM even though large sections of the attraction remain unfinished. First words park founder CaseOh says "Wait we actually own a beach" after stepping foot in the Stanky Shores.
No injuries reported. Yet.
DAY 01 — 10:02 AM
Guest Accuses Park Owner of Assault
Stanky News
A civilian named Griffin inside Caymart claims he was assaulted by CaseOh, specifically stating that CaseOh "picked me up and tossed me into the middle of the road".
Stanky Shores Legal Team: Mr. Griffin was consuming too much "Grandaddy Cheese" from Red 40 & Co. The man in the image below simply passed out in the middle of the road while on his way to swim at Stanky Shores.
DAY 01 — 10:04 AM
Park Owner Promises Guests "Best Of Our Abilities"
Stanky News
Also upon opening Stanky Shores CaseOh said "Stanky Shores is gonna be ran to the best of our abilities here" which is giving hope to the guests.
DAY 01 — 10:06 AM
Civilian Reports Dookie Attack Outside Park
Stanky News
A civilian outside Stanky Shores reported that CaseOh the park owner threw dookie at her, ending her interview with: "Truly traumatizing experience".
Stanky Shores Legal Team: A forensic investigation of the trajectory reveals the projectile did not originate from CaseOh's hands, but was dropped mid-air by a hyper-aggressive, giant Stanky Seagull. CaseOh was actually reaching out to shield Eva from the incoming aerial strike, but was tragically too late. He deeply regrets that his heroic effort was misinterpreted.
DAY 02 — 10:00 AM
Insiders Say Park Owner Working On A New Slogan
Stanky News
Insiders say that the Stanky Shores park owner CaseOh is working on a slogan and it might be something along the lines of:
"Welcome to the Stanky Shores, I heard you got some stanky drawrs, let me take a sniff GAHOOK"
DAY 02 — 10:00 AM
The State of Stanky Shores at the Start of Day 2
Stanky News
The park opens for its second day as guests return for another round of thrills, spills, and stank.
DAY 02 — 1:25 PM
GoobLagoon Truck Spotted Outside Park
Stanky News
The GoobLagoon truck was spotted outside of Stanky Shores, witnesses report seeing a driver taking photos of our slide blueprints through a pair of binoculars.
DAY 02 — 2:50 PM
Park Owner CaseOh Reportedly Run Over By Fancy Car
Stanky News
Park Owner CaseOh was reportedly ran over by a very fancy car this afternoon. The Stanky Shores Legal Team say that they will be taking this case seriously and "completely eliminating the threat"...
DAY 02
Stanky Shores Legal Team: Statement on Unauthorised Guests
Stanky News
Stanky Shores is not liable for any injury, property damage, or death occurring to individuals who enter the waterpark without a valid ticket. Unauthorised guests enter at their own risk and assume total personal responsibility for any consequences.
DAY 03 — 4:25 PM
Guests Evacuated Due To Gravitational Pull From Kylian
Stanky News
Some guests needed to be evacuated from the park due to a gravitational pull coming from Kylian, a park guest.
DAY 04 — 10:42 AM
Guest Claims They Contracted Ringworm at the Park
Stanky News
A guest posted online claiming they contracted ringworm after visiting Stanky Shores. Our legal team jumped on the case immediately to shut it down. The guest has not been seen since.
DAY 05 — 10:00 AM
The "Mafia" Noticed Outside of Stanky Shores
Stanky News
The "Mafia" noticed outside of Stanky Shores.
